Advice Alley

Thanks! I like you too. I really like connecting with people. I’m Kathryn. People like you make me feel wanted, and I appreciate it greatly.

The kind of girl that usually asks this kind of question is usually the kind of girl that really doesn’t need to worry about this. At all.

I’m sure you’ve heard it before—“You don’t have to worry about it, just be yourself”—and it sounds corny, but it’s true. Anyone who doesn’t like you when you’re anything but yourself doesn’t really deserve your attention. It takes time (oh, that hated phrase) to find a guy that likes you for who you are, but you deserve nothing less. Don’t lower your standards or get desperate. Guys like a little confidence in their woman anyway.

If you really want to try your odds against time, go out and meet people. The more people you meet and/or date, the more likely you are to finding the guy you’re looking for. Or, the guy that’s looking for you.

The “staying” bit is a little more difficult to take care of, especially with all the different paths you could take or things that could happen, but I can offer some general pieces of advice that are pretty fail-proof:

• Don’t yell. Keep striving for civilized discussions rather than yelling matches. I’m not saying “don’t have fights” because that’s impossible AND unhealthy. Being angry is a right you both have. Just try to be sensible when explaining your feelings. On the opposite side of the spectrum…
• Don’t give silent treatment. At times, this is even worse than yelling because you can only imagine what is going through the other person’s mind. Talk the problem out. After discussion, it’s normal to want to take a few minutes away from the other person just to cool down, but silent treatment is not cool.
• Always try to see both perspectives. Be levelheaded. There are always two sides to a story, and if you ask to see his, you may find that the argument is the product of a simple misunderstanding. Think of why he may be feeling the way he does and if it might be the way you would feel if you were in his shoes. Keep in mind that you’re not always right.

It’s hard for me to give out that kind of advice so generally since there are no specific incidents, but I hope you get the gist of it. You can always ask me specific questions when the time arises. Good luck with boy-hunting.

Life is a cycle. There’s really no way to be happy all of the time, not just because things get frustrating, but also because happiness is relative. Without the sadness in our lives, there would be nothing to compare the happiness to. Happiness wouldn’t be the best feeling, it would be the only feeling. There has to be a low point to make a high point seem special, so things would become mundane.

However, there are ways to make the low points more bearable. The main thing is to try and keep the forward motion of living by remembering that it’s only a cycle and that things will get better. I know, easier said than done (even if you’re not the type to wallow in self-pity when the going gets tough). But nothing stays bad forever. It may take time, but it always gets better, it always gets better. Just trust in your own ability to fix things.

Also, it helps to keep the things you’re passionate about and the people you love close to you. It sounds stupid and seems really obvious, but sometimes, people forget without meaning to. God knows I have.